I dunno. I seem to be off lately or something. :::what am i, bipoloar?!::: I have no idea. I can be happy one second, then I start thinking about things and I get depressed. Is it me, or almost all my friends' relationships turning to crap?!  Isn't the holiday season supposed to bring us CLOSER, not tear at each other's hearts until finally we can stand each other anymore. It's making me think a lot about trust, and truth be told, it's making me think a lot about everything. But, the plus side to this is I'm figuring out excatly what I am thankful for.

I guess I need to set my priorities, as well as figure out excatly what I want right now.

Love,

Amanda

It's not to early to get excited for Christmas, is it? I know Thanksgivings tomorrow...but....ONLY 32 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS! Yum!

I had a great weekend, how about everyone else?

Can you believe it's actually snowing? I love snow! :::sticks out tounge::: I walked to the libary today, it was so much fun! (besides the fact that my fingers were frozen!)

I had my Fall Choir Concert yesterday, it was so much fun! I was a bit nervous, but maybe that had more to do with my 3 1/2 inch heels more than anything else!

Oh, looky what I got in the mail! A cute story!

Lunch With God


There once was a little boy who wanted to meet God. He knew it was long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of root beer and he started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old woman. She was sitting in the park just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old lady looked hungry, so he offered a Twinkie. She gratefully accepted it and smiled at him. Her smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered a root beer. Once again she smiled at him. The boy was delighted!

They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old woman and gave her a hug. She gave him her biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face.

She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?"

He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? She's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home.

Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face and he asked, "Mother, what did you do today that made you so happy?"

She replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." But before her son responded, she added, "You know, he's much younger than I expected."

I hope you all find things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. Just think, 3 billion people of the world are starving, so be thankful you all get a Turkey! Or, if your a vegie-only-eater, you get tofu!

Love,

Amanda

I love this poem! :::huggles closely::: Oh, and yes, if you all haven't been able to tell, I am in a MUCH better mood. Why is it everyone takes things so seriously lately? Me included. I mean, it's not ALL about fun, but everything doesn't have to lead to serious conversations or serious minds. Ah....:: ances::: the joys of ignorance...which I wish I could still enjoy but...yeah! Enjoy!

Lover's Game

How can I be not confused
When I love them both, yet I must choose
Whom do I go with in the end
When both makes me want to be with him?

Do I choose old or do I choose new
Either way it seems I lose
Can I pick whom my heart loves most
Or can this beating organ be coaxed?

It will be hard, I cannot lie
It will take many sleepless nights to decide
A mistake is what I don't want to make
When true love may be at stake.

Wretched heart which confuses me so!
Why can't you be content to just let go
Why must I choose now whom I forsake
Best friend and lover, one in the same?

It can no longer be the same
For I now must choose a change
And pray in the end I will have no shame
Playing at this lover's game?

- A. M. Midnight

Did you ever get that sinking feeling, like you knew something is going to happen? You think you have everything, you couldn't be happier.

The world rushes around you, but you don't pay attention.

There's nothing beneath your feet but air.

Your falling....falling...faster and faster.

But even while this is all happening, you never notice.

That is, until you hit the bottom.

Now, it seems it can't get worst, and it most definetly can't get better. Everyone tells you to give it time, that seems the story of you're life. All you want to do is hide under a freaking rock and just drift into a dreamless sleep. But everyone keeps pushing you. You're too tired to push back.

That's when you know you've hit rock bottom.

"I gave myself to him,
And took himself for pay.
The solemn contract of a life
Was ratified this way."

~XXI, first stanza, Emily Dickinson

Yes, :::sob sob::: I'm still grounded. I cleaned the house yesterday, though, so my mom told me I could have a half hour to call someone. I called my guy first, he wasn't avalible :::more sobs::: so then I called Hugglebunny for a bit before talking to Jem. We're planning the last-minute details of the 2nd Steed Family Reunion of November 19th, 2005. We still have to call and contact a few people before it's perfecto-mungo. Anyone know where I can buy the game "Apples to Apples"?

I had mutuals yesterday, which was really fun, even if I did find out two of my friends who were going to the dance on Saturday (2 days!!!!!!!!!) can't come after all. I'm kind of relieved, which I know is awful, but I didn't want to deal with the drama. Besides, that'd mean I'd have to amuse them, when really all I want to do is follow around my guy like the lovesick puppy I am. I know, patheticness to the extreme, but I'm lacking human contact here. Ugh. Mutuals...mutuals....Oh yeah, we finished doing the skits for the "10 Minutes Film Fest." It was hilarious, Lauren, Ashley, and me got to act like 'smokers' (with chalk, ick!) and the guys, Ben, Paul, and Adam got to drowl over us until they realized we had 'ash-tray mouth'. The whole theme is "Living The Standards" so it went along well.

I think I am going to pound my head into my keyboard. I can't stand this. First, I can't figure out a way to get past Bess, our school firewall thingy that blocks everything from Alistsongs to Xanga. GAH! Second, I'll die if I go much longer without a phone. Thrid....TWO MORE FREAKIN' DAYS UNTIL THE DANCE! :: oes jig:::

Okay...I guess I'm feeling slightly better...

But then I think about all the blackmail Jem now has on me and I feel a little bit quesy. Ugh!

Has anyone ever wondered why they called nationalities 'races'? I think there's probably a story behind this!

<3 Amanda

As if you couldn't tell already, I've been grounded.

My privilages that have been taken away:

* Phone

* Computer

* Music

* Having people over/visiting people

* Christmas

* No going anywhere not church/school related.

Yes, it's looking like a dreary year. I'm grounded until further notice, which means I might not be able to go to the Steed Family Reunion. :'( Gawd, it's so messed up. I have to go to this program called Achievment, which is probation for teens who did misdameaners (gah....how do I spell?!) It can be anywhere from 2-10 months long, and I have to go to meetings and all this junk. Also, I can't go to the libary, and the only internet I have is this crippled internet at the school, which blocks every friggin' thing on earth.  So, yes, no Yahoo!  Xanga! ANYTHING BUT THIS FUGGIN' THING! :::tears::: Ashley, also, can't go on the internet because A) She doesn't have AOL anymore. And B) She's grounded also. A thing I think that wrenches it all up is I can't talk to my baby. :::sob sob sob:::

Yes, being grounded sucks.

No, I'm not telling you why. HAHA!

Now, I'm going to make like a hockey stick and get the puck outta here.

<3 A

Halloween is finally over. It was fun, but right now I'm so sick of candy I think if I see anther fun-sized Twix I'll puke my brains out, no joke. I ended up going with Ashley, Katie, Sarah, and Thomas. It was fun, but walking around in killer hillers wasn't my brightest idea. Excuse me if I'm kind of glad it's over.

The next Holiday? Thanksgiving.

I, personally, dislike Thanksgiving immensly. I'm usually only thankfull when the dinner is done and I am safely tucked away into my room. It's always been a stressfull Holiday for my family, even before my parents divorced (the divorce just made it worst.) Because both of my parents want me on Thanksgiving, and I'd be just as happy to eat a hot pocket and watch Inuyasha reruns. Honestly, Thanksgivings not that big of a deal for me, it's not like all my family have a huge reunion around Thanksgiving or anything. It's just a day that gives all my parents in excuse to buy expensive food, sit at the table, and bare the tense silence. Thus, I kinda skip Thanksgiving in my list of Holidays and just go right onto Christmas, which actually has family and spiritual meaning to it.

I went to see Madam Butterfly with my international club, it was fun, except I got called a distraction while Mataya and Scott were talking about the bathroom during intermission. All in all, it was pretty amusing.

Much love,

Amanda

Well, here is my "Goody Bag" for all the treats of Halloween, thank you so much in advice, and have a Happy Halloween!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you'd like to be a "Goody Bag"ger, go to http://thebloggersblog.bravehost.com/TrickorTreat.html

1. Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.

2. Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.

3. Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor's door.

4. Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada.

5. Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.

6. Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.

7. End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds".

8. Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.

9. If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can't do the paper because you're not sure if the class really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious. If you do end up writing the paper, write about whether or not the paper actually exists.

10. If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right?

11. Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn't retrieve the original.

12. Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your bibliography.

13. Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor's desk.

14. The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain that you can't turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military information and is only available on a "need to know" basis. Insist that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an 'A'.

15. Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you were trying to get the feel for the period.

16. Turn in a letter you wrote to your cousin. When the teacher confronts you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the paper mixed up. Say that you'll turn the paper in as soon as you get it back, but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it might take a while.(This is a nifty way to get an extension.)

17. When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.

18. Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won't see you until the next full moon.

19. Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that on the way to class, your dropped it in the street and it got run over by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road.

20. Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the professor, act like it's nothing unusual. After all, he did tell you to include footnotes.

21. Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper and correct all your typos.

22. Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera-style, and hand that in.

23. Write your psychology paper on possible genetic anomalies that might cause a person to prefer anchovies.

24. Hand your paper in in a sealed envelope with postmarks from several different countries on it. Say that you wanted several different perspectives on your work.

25. TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee..

26. Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it and hand it in as your paper. Explain that the topic was such an emotional one for you, and that mere words couldn't possibly express what you had to say.

27. Compare and contrast the characters of James T. Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard. Claim that one is actually Hamlet, and the other is King Lear. Say that Worf is Ophelia.

28. Carve your paper on the bathroom wall.

29. Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a member of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of trees caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments.

30. Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the words of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at the time.

31. Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it's only a few pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading.

32. Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by crows on the way to class.

33. Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had.

34. Write about whether Plato would have said that Miller Light is "less filling" or that it "tastes great". Also explain why Aristotle would have taken the opposite view. Try to predict both philosphers' reactions to Spuds McKensie.

35. Draw pictures of your professor in the margins.

36. Make your paper one long, neverending sentence that goes on for pages and pages and pages; use alot of semi-colons, commas, and other interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks [(for example), an interesting one: the colon_] but never ever end the sentence {[_-\ /??!]}.

37. Staple a picture of an academic building to the paper. Cite the picture as a resource.

38. On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving the paper and screaming, "I have a paper! I have a paper!". Run around the class a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell, "There's my paper!", then run outside to get it. Repeat this all through the period, or until the prof throws you out.

39. Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in the paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoot the horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it.

40. Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things. For example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman empire collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists.

41. Refer to all prominant historical figures by nicknames. For example, call George Washington "Georgie". Call Ben Franklin "Sparky".

42. Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w's whenevew you weawwy want to type r's ow l's.

43. Ol, switch alound arr the l's and r's in youl papel, rike Monty Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild.

44. When your prof asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in.

45. Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote it in a bar so that you could see "sociology in action"

My Life....

I can't believe Halloween has manged to sneak upon us so fast! And I don't even have a Halloween costume! I don't know how Ashley and I plan to be naughty school girls when both of us are lacking the schoolgirl outfit equipment! But, we'll prevail, because we rock like that!

Yes, I decided to spice up my site just a tad...what's next? Why, ton's of Halloween games and junk! If you'd like to get in contact with me, my e-mail is: krazy@firecoyote.net, my aim is: krazybutkawai, my Yahoo! IM is: x_chocolate_kisses, and finally, my MSN messenger name is: KrazyAmanda

Well, I have to leave shortly, so, adios!

Can you tell I'm just a little bit too much into the whole Halloween thing? But what's better then FREE CANDY?!?!?!

<3 Amanda

Yes, those four simple words sum up my weekend. Oh, wait, I forgot. No sleep. That'd be six. Whatever. I feel, and probably look, like death rolled over, flipped, tossed, stirred and scrambled. Let's recap..

Friday after school I want over to Ashley's after getting my stuff from my house. Homecoming was Saturday (Oct. 22) and I was going to spend the night and junk, because her mom is doing my hair, nails, makeup and junk. So, Ashley and I just hung around until Katie came over, because she was going to spend the night, too. Once Katie got there, we left to go to the Homecoming Game, where all of us (excluding Katie, including Marky) snuck in, because we didn't bring money to buy tickets. It was pretty fun, I hung out with all of my friends, mostly Terrelle, Katie, Ashley, Trey, Nick, James, Stephanie, Shiloh, Tory, Missy ect., ect. All was going fine and dandy, until Fat Ian (person I despise with a serious passion) walked by me when I was hanging with Trey and Nick and flipped me off. I was totally shocked, I mean, I've had people flipped me off before, but not in a really mean sort of way. I felt like I was going to cry. Or whip some major butt. Fortunetly, or unfortunetly, Nick saw, and he, being the protective cousin he is, flipped out and walked over to Fat Ian and asked him WTF was his problem. Before I knew it, James was over there, too, and Fat Ian was about to get the crap beat out of 'em. Everything settled down though after I talked to them, I didn't want some of my favorite guys to get suspended from school. I'd cry. Then, we went back to Ashley and dive bombed onto her bed before passing out completely.

Saturday we woke up around 9ish to start to get ready for Homecoming.  Yes, us girls get ready for Homecoming early. Mama T (Ashley's mom) had a lot of people to get ready, and we were finally done with everything but nails at 4...which is when everyone arrived. Our party consisted of: Me (Amanda), Terrelle, Ashley, Justine, Danielle, Nick, Jon, Aysha, Jake, Joe, and Katie! We went to Cusino's first, a nice resturant, then we went to Homecoming at 7:30!

Now...Homecoming! THAT was fun! It wasn't as crowded as Canton's Homecoming, but it was still pretty packed. The theme? "A Night In Paris." One of my friends was...him enough to point out that that was a porno name. Thank you, Paris Hilton. It was so much fun, I mostly danced with Terrelle and my group of people as well as Stephy's group, but I did bounce around a lot to random people so, yeah! I took a whole row of pictures in less then a half hour! Ah, memories! ~LoL~ It ended at 11:00 pm, so then Ashley's dad picked her, Katie, and me up and we went to the movie store. I think we scared the guy who worked there, because he looked at our movies and candy and said "Looks like you guys are in for a long night." And I said "Yep, we've got candy and movies!" and then Ashley said "AND A BED!"

We didn't even watch half a movie before we fell asleep, then woke up at 11:05 am the next morning to the smell of Bacon. IT WAS ASHLEY'S 15TH BIRTHDAY! Happy birthday to her! ~lol~ We celebrated by STUFFING OUR FACES! We just hung around until 4, then her parents left and it was Ashley, Jason, Aysha, Terrelle, and me at her house, just doing random things.

Then I spent the night Sunday night, missing seminary, and now I'm sick. Ughhhh...... As soon as I get home, I'm going to sleep!

<3 Amanda